I was also hit over the head with my reality during my ride to see Jenny on Friday. I am a master of denial and the reality that I have cancer never quite sunk in till I started thinking about my family. I watched my mom and my sister live the long, slow death from cancer and it dawned on me that it may well be my fate, too. I so don't want to die that way. I told the doctor I want to get better and back on my bike, to get hit by a car. She understood. I guess I'm coming out of that invincible thinking and my death is a real possibility, now. I'm so slow to catch on.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up. Not by a long shot. We are being very aggressive with treatments and I have faith it is going to work but I am admitting I will die someday. Meantime, Mick has shaved my head (who is that in the mirror!) and I am looking into some yoga classes to get me through the rest of this journey. I've lost SO much muscle but I think I can do a gentle class till I can start seriously training again.
The young folks in my life are carrying me on this journey and I will be able to enjoy them on the other side.
I am so glad to hear that you won't be getting chemo for at least 2 more weeks. You really exhausted yourself in Ignacio, as if the chemo hadn't already done that for you! I hope that you are resting and eating and resting and eating and eating and resting . . . I guess you get the message, huh?
ReplyDeleteLove you! It was great to see all of you last week. I wish the circumstances had been different, but that is the way it happens.
Take care so you can get out to see little Alice!
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ReplyDeleteYour expressions of your reality and spirit are so beautifully written, M.
ReplyDeleteSuch a gift.
Love the pictures of your sister. R.I.P.
Glad you get a bit of time to recover and rest.
Hope you can enjoy the Yoga!
Love you.
Marilyn, I just heard via Barb Truell about you and the battle you're waging. I think of you every time I cross Elm Street. LSS is now located in funky fun offices in Worcester, in the Central Supply bldg. I am about to retire -- I have been blessed by love in the person of a retired chem prof, a widower, and we're looking forward to more time together when I get our of this rat race. Your story reminds me of how fleeting and unpredictable this journey of our lives is. I am in tears as I write this. I think of you with great warmth and humor and affection. Blessings on you -- body and soul! Marty Mann
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