Stealing

Our internet has been down for a few days - wild wind again so I haven't posted - in case you haven't noticed. I have now spent an hours, milking an iced tea, in an tea house in Boulder (temp in the 60's) trying to catch up a bit.

I'm not being very creative either but this email from my friend Marilynn gave me a few laugh out loud moments during chemo yesterday Hope you like them, too.

Paint this....

A paraprosdokian ( Error! Filename not specified.   /pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a  sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists

           PARAPROSDOKIANS...

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.  

1.  Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with  you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8.  They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it  isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work  station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify: 'I put 'DOCTOR.'

13.  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get  away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.  

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

Don't know what happened to my formatting but is isn't what I designed.