Who is Caring for Whom?

OK, my grammar friends - is that title correct?

Such a strange place to be. My nephew said recently that he isn't as strong as he thought he was with his mom's cancer and then me being a copy cat (not his words). It has made me think about how we impact each other.

We didn't know we were BOTH walking around with little monsters in us this day.

Betty and I are very good at putting on a good face, being strong and positive. Any fears and tears are behind closed doors. I'm thinking now that this might not be fair to family and friends who are more out there with their struggles. Do they think, "How can I feel so bad when the people who are sick are dealing so well with the illness and I feel so bad?". Pain, sorrow and fear are so much a part of what I have been feeling the past couple days. I don't want to hide it any more if it under minds my support system. I know that it is passing but also that it will rear it's ugly head from time to time. I guess I'm not doing it primarily for my family and friends but I am trying to be honest about my feelings and this whole thing suxs.

Chelsie, my wonderful hair cutter said I'll give you a pixie cut as the time gets closer for the treatments and then I won't be losing big chunks at a time. Maybe I need a new doo sooner. The bright orange shirt I bought yesterday hasn't done the trick. Maybe I will get strong again after meeting with the oncologist and radiation oncologists on Friday and Monday. Maybe the wind can stop blowing so fiercely and maybe I can stop coughing and maybe I can just feel good for a couple days. It has been such a long haul since 11/22/11. maybe, maybe, maybe.....