Cloud is lifting

Well, I started my blog again, yesterday  ((It is now three days (still didn’t finish it yet)) but things are improving - a lot. The cancer is still quiet and i’m on my routine of an infusion every three weeks. It has been working for almost a year now. No one is in a hurry to do the PT scan. Now it will be in May…. I did tell Jenny I don’t want so many scans and only want PT scans unless they are looking for something specific. All that radiation can’t be good. 

Emotionally things are amazing. I’ve been on an antidepressant (Lexapro) since January. It was working so so till I had a break through depression and was suicidal for a night. I decided the therapist I was seeing wasn’t a good match and I also saw a psychologist who prescribed an additional drug (Abilify). After three or four days on it I woke up feeling like me!!!!! I don’t know how long it has been since I felt emotionally normal. I have a new therapist and hopefully will become stable and off the drugs eventually.

I had a good education on depression from Dr. Wood. There are two kinds of depression. One, where people get depressed, eat more, gain weight and sleep a lot (among other things). The other type is not eating or sleeping well, lose weight and are more apt to act on suicidal thoughts. I have to be really careful because I am in the second category and I have acted on the impulse many years ago. Apparently the frontal lobe of the brain shuts down and you become so helpless you can't see a future and that things can change for the better.

Lesson learned - don't get so bad and let Mick or my therapist know when I am sliding down that awful slope. That might be hard since this last time happened so suddenly but I really don't want to leave ahead of my time.